Drop "just" from your sentences. "I just wanted to check" becomes "I wanted to check."

Why it works: One small word does a lot of quiet damage to how certain and confident you sound.

Use it: Read back your next email before you hit send.

Your team can read you better than you think.

One of them tells you a deadline has been missed. Again.

You say, "That's fine. Thanks for letting me know." Your voice is level and you're polite.

Then your answers get shorter. You look at your laptop instead of at them. Your smile stays, but it's tighter than usual. You move on to the next item a little too quickly.

You didn't say you were annoyed. You said it was fine.

You think holding it in makes you look in control.

It does the opposite. Your words say one thing and your face says another, and that mismatch is what your team remembers.

You've learned that staying composed is how you get taken seriously. And it is.

But at some point, composed started to mean showing nothing.

You tell yourself it isn't worth making a thing of it. The team is already under pressure, so you keep the peace and don't add to it.

So you push down your feelings of frustration and carry on. Psychologists call this emotional suppression (holding a feeling in so it doesn't show).

The trouble is it doesn't work.

The feeling doesn't go anywhere. It comes out in your tone, your expression and how much you say. Research on suppression has also found that the people around you pick up the tension, even when you haven't said a word.

It costs you something too. Holding a feeling in takes effort, and that's attention you're not giving to the conversation. You listen less. You think less clearly.

And when your words say "fine" and your face says otherwise, people believe the face. That makes you harder to read, and harder to trust.

And because you've given your team no explanation, they supply their own.

"She's unhappy with me." "I've missed something." "Better not mention the problem with the client."

That last one is how a small frustration turns into a team that tells you less.

I see this a lot with the leaders I coach. They'd never let a team member say "it's fine" when it clearly isn't. But they do it themselves, every week.

I don't buy the idea that calm means showing nothing.

A level voice and a clear sentence show control. A tight smile doesn't.

You don't need to vent. You need one clear sentence, said once.

"I'll be honest, I'm frustrated. I'd like to understand why this has happened."

Say it the same day, before the feeling has had time to set.

Putting a feeling into words lowers its intensity, and it leaves nothing to leak.

It also tells your team the frustration is about the situation. Not about them.

Instead of: "That's fine. Thanks for letting me know."

Try: "I'll be honest, I'm frustrated. That's the second time this deadline has moved. I'd like to understand why this has happened."

The first leaves them guessing. The second gives them something to work with.

Stick to what happened and what you need. Don’t make it personal.

You don't have to say it on the spot. You do have to say it.

"I want to talk about the deadline, but I need ten minutes first. Can we pick this up at three?"

That isn't suppressing it. It's choosing when it comes out.

Once you’ve said it, stop. You'll be tempted to add something to soften it. Don't.

Let them answer. If you want one more line, tell them what you need:

"What I need is a heads-up before the deadline, not after."

It will feel too direct the first time. Your team will hear it as clear.

Next time you hear yourself say "that's fine," check your face.

If it's saying something different, say the frustration out loud.

Your team already knows it's there.