🧠 When Not to Answer the Question You’re Asked

A QUICK TIP FOR SAYING WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID

Start with your position, not your explanation.

Why it works: People know where you stand straight away.

Use it: When you disagree.

🔍 DEEP DIVE

🧠 When Not to Answer the Question You’re Asked

In meetings, questions often come wrapped as requests.

They sound reasonable.
They sound practical.
They sound like something you should respond to.

So, most people do.

They answer quickly.
They try to be helpful.
They engage with what’s in front of them.

And without realising it, they get pulled into the wrong conversation.

The trap most people fall into

Being asked a question creates a subtle pressure.

It feels polite to respond.
It feels risky not to.
It can feel like you’re being tested.

So, you answer the question exactly as it’s asked, even if something about it doesn’t quite sit right.

The issue isn’t the question itself.

It’s the assumptions behind it.

Why answering can be the wrong move

• Some questions narrow the conversation too early.

• Others assume agreement where there isn’t any.

• Some jump straight to detail before the direction is clear.

• Others quietly redefine the problem without anyone noticing.

When you answer those questions directly, you do three things at once:

• You accept the framing

• You legitimise the assumption

• You shift the discussion onto the wrong level

You might give a good answer, and make things worse.

How to spot the moment

You don’t need a framework for this. You just need to notice a few signals.

You might be answering the wrong question if:

• The question skips over a bigger decision

• You’re being asked how before anyone has agreed what

• The question assumes alignment that hasn’t been established

• You feel yourself narrowing your thinking too quickly

That feeling of “this isn’t quite the right conversation” is usually worth paying attention to.

What to do instead

This isn’t about refusing to answer.

It’s about redirecting before you commit.

A few tips:

1. Pause before responding

Even a brief pause creates space to think, rather than react.

2. Name what you think the real issue is

You don’t need to challenge the question directly. You can widen it.

For example:

• “Before we get into that, I think the bigger question is…”

• “It might help to clarify what decision we’re actually making here.”
  

3. Lift the conversation up a level

If you’re being pulled into detail too early, step back.

• “That depends on what outcome we’re aiming for.”

• “There are a few ways to approach this, we might want to agree on direction first.”
  

4. Clarify the decision, not just the answer

Senior conversations are rarely about information. They’re about judgment.

• “Is the decision here about timing, or about priority?”

• “What would success look like from your perspective?”

You’re not dodging the question.

You’re making sure the answer actually matters.

A senior move most people miss

Sometimes the most effective response is not answering at all.

Not in a dramatic way.
Not by refusing.

But by redirecting the conversation entirely.

For example:

• acknowledge the question

• then reframe the issue

• and let the group engage at the right level

“That’s a fair question. Before we get into that, I think we need to be clear on what decision we’re actually making here.”

This is what experienced leaders do instinctively.

They don’t answer every question they’re asked.

They decide which questions deserve an answer.

Final thoughts

When you answer the wrong question, you can sound busy, helpful, and engaged, and still lose influence.

When you slow things down and reframe, you might say less, but you shape the conversation.

That’s not avoidance. That’s judgment.

Senior communication isn’t about being responsive to everything.

It’s about responding to the right thing.

Try it

After your next meeting, ask yourself:

• Which questions did I answer automatically?

• Did any of them pull the conversation into the wrong level?

• What would I have said differently if I’d paused for five seconds?

You don’t need to change everything.

Just notice one moment where you could have redirected.