When someone talks over you, don't speed up. Say: "I'd like to finish my point." Then carry on from where you stopped.

Why it works: Speeding up or giving way tells the room the interruption worked. A calm, short sentence tells them it didn't.

Use it: The next time you're cut off halfway through a sentence.

Someone called you intimidating.

It came from a direct report, a peer or your boss, passed on as "just so you know."

It was a passing comment.

You haven't treated it like one.

Since then you've been quieter.

You've softened an email before sending it.

You've held back a view you'd normally share.

You've opened the last two meetings by asking everyone else first, then said less than usual yourself.

That's a lot of adjustment for one word.

And you still don't know what the word meant.

The comment stings because it doesn't match how you see yourself.

You see yourself as fair. Approachable. Someone who listens.

Psychologists call that your self-concept (the picture you hold of yourself).

When someone contradicts it, your brain treats it as a threat.

It doesn't wait for detail. It jumps to a conclusion.

"Intimidating" becomes: I'm too much. I'm hard to work with. People are wary of me.

None of that was actually said. You're just filling the gaps.

So you shrink. You talk less, soften more and hold back on saying what you really want to say.

That's not self-awareness. That's guessing.

And your team now gets a less clear version of you, based on one comment you haven't checked.

"Intimidating" could mean you're blunt.

It could mean your standards are high.

It could mean you go quiet when you're thinking and nobody can read you.

It could mean you move fast and people struggle to keep up.

Some of those you'll want to change. Some you won't.

You can't tell which until you ask.

I don't treat "intimidating" as feedback. I treat it as a starting point.

It's a feeling someone had, not a behaviour you can work with.

You've now spent more time analysing that one word than the person who said it.

Ask. Calmly, and without defending yourself.

"Thank you for telling me. Can you give me an example?"

Say that and stop.

Then listen to the answer without explaining, justifying or apologising.

If they need help thinking of an example, try:

"What did I say or do that gave you that impression?"

“Was it a particular meeting or message, or something more general?”

If they still can't give you one, try:

"That's okay. If one comes to mind, I'd like to hear it."

If it reached you through someone else, try:

"Thank you for passing that on. Do you know what prompted it?"

Sometimes the example is fair. A comment you made in front of the team. A decision you announced without asking.

Take it. Thank them again. Decide later what to do with it.

Sometimes the example is small. A short reply to a message. A look you didn't know you gave.

Take that too. "That's helpful to know" is enough.

Here's what to avoid.

Instead of: "Oh no, I didn't mean to come across like that. I'm really not intimidating."

Try: "Thank you for telling me. Can you give me an example?"

The first asks them to reassure you.

The second asks them for information.

This works for two reasons.

You swap your interpretation for facts. You find out whether it was a tone, a habit or one meeting.

And someone who takes feedback calmly and asks for detail is the opposite of intimidating. You prove it in the conversation itself.

Once you have the example, give yourself a day.

Then decide what you'll change and what you'll keep.

Direct views and high standards don't need fixing. A habit of going silent might.

Until then, go back to how you normally show up.

Say the direct thing. Send the email as you wrote it.

I'd rather you hear one real example than carry a vague word around for weeks.

Ask this week, not next month.

Every week you wait is another week of being quieter than you need to be.