🔓 Addicted to Approval? Here's How to Break the Habit

A QUICK TIP TO STRENGTHEN YOUR SELF-BELIEF

Replace “What if I fail?” with “What if this works?”

🧠 Why it works: Flipping the script interrupts fear-based thinking.

👉 Use it: When hesitation creeps in.

🔍 DEEP DIVE

🔓 Addicted to Approval? Here's How to Break the Habit

It starts subtly.

You hesitate before speaking up.

You soften what you want to say so it lands well.

You say yes—again—when your calendar is already stretched.

It doesn’t feel like a problem. It feels like being collaborative. Considerate. A strong team player.

But over time, this quiet pull to keep others comfortable can turn into something more consuming: an approval habit that undermines your clarity, capacity and authority.

But it doesn’t feel like self-doubt. It feels like leadership.

The Neuroscience of Approval-Seeking

At its core, approval is a social reward loop.

When you get a nod of agreement or a “Thanks, that helped,” your brain releases a small hit of dopamine—the feel-good chemical. This reinforces the behaviour, making it more likely you’ll repeat it.

It’s not a weakness. It’s wiring.

Especially for high-achieving women, approval often becomes an internal signal that you’re doing well. That you’re safe. That you belong.

It’s a form of people-pleasing, and it often hides in behaviours that look helpful or collaborative. But here’s where it gets costly:

When your decisions, communication, or leadership style start to revolve around what others might think, you’re no longer leading from clarity. You’re seeking reassurance.

And that detracts from what really matters: delivering results, communicating clearly, and making confident decisions.

How to Break the Habit

This isn’t about becoming cold or detached. It’s about reclaiming the mental space and authority that’s lost to second-guessing and over-accommodation.

1. Spot Your Approval Triggers

💡 Tip: Notice the moments when you change what you want to say, delay a decision, or take something on just to avoid disappointing someone.

It could sound like:

• “They’ve had a hard week; I’ll just take care of it.”

• “Let me reword this to sound less direct.”

• “I’ll wait and see what others think first.”

These aren’t just thoughtful responses. Sometimes, they’re micro-signals that approval is running the show.

2. Rewire What ‘Good Leadership’ Means

💡 Action: Try saying to yourself, “Being clear is better than being liked.”

Most women are conditioned to believe good leadership means being agreeable. But at a senior level, clarity, decisiveness and boundary-setting are far more valuable than likeability.

The shift starts with redefining what you admire in other leaders. You probably respect the ones who speak with conviction, not the ones who smooth things over.

3. Build in a Pause Before You Respond

Approval-seeking is often automatic. Your nervous system senses even minor tension and rushes to smooth it.

💡 Tip: Use a 3-second pause before responding to requests, questions, or feedback—especially when you feel that internal “I should just...” pressure.

Ask: “What would I say if I weren’t worried about their reaction?”

You don’t need to act on it straight away. But noticing it gives you the space to choose clarity over compliance.

4. Anchor Your Decisions in Self-Trust

When you catch yourself seeking approval, re-anchor to something firmer: your values, your priorities and your purpose.

💡 Action: Before a key conversation or decision, write down your top three priorities. Keep them visible. Use them as your filter, rather than thinking about how others might feel.

This is what lets you lead from conviction, rather than people-pleasing.

Final Thought

Approval feels good—but it shouldn’t be at the cost of clear, confident leadership.

You don’t need to manage everyone’s emotions. You don’t need to soften what’s already true. And you don’t need to earn your authority by over-accommodating.

You lead better when you lead from clarity—not consensus.

This week, notice one moment where you catch yourself chasing approval.

Pause. Choose clarity. Say what matters.

That’s leadership—on your terms.